So many people approach life with caution. They ponder their options. They chart their way in advance. Every step is considered and ultimately their life is a carefully considered one.
“Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their carvings ~ Elisabeth Kubler Ross”
Others throw all caution to the wind and jump. Some jump off a cliff and die, others jump off the cliff and fly.
Others go through life in a smoky haze… a sort of inertia. Neither moving forward nor backward. Simply content to let the current carry them where it may.
“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat ~ Theodore Roosevelt“
For most of my life I fell into the first category. I led a considered life. Any decision made by me was preceded by much deliberation and weighing of options. In some cases even sleepless nights. Some of these decisions were still wrong despite my endless deliberation. The amount of stress I invested in making the decision had little or no impact on the outcome. Of course, some of them were right making the stress involved a bigger waste of time.
Aside from that, people have always described me as strong. I take physical pain without flinching. I tore a ligament during the first minute of the second half of a hockey game last week and I won the man of the match award afterwards. I have had my teeth knocked out and picked up a concussion and never made a scene. Emotionally and socially I have always been the same until recently.
I have recently learnt I can make people laugh….. a lot. I have learnt I have a wicked sense of humour. Sometimes its even twisted. I laugh at everything. I cry when i watch my favourite TV shows. Sometimes I cry for no reason. I fall asleep as soon as every movie starts except Pretty Woman! I could watch reruns of that forever. I get angry. I flirt outrageously. I chat to random strangers simply because they are standing next to me. I wash my hair all the time (believe it or not, not many black girls with straightened hair do that), I buy baby petroleum jelly for my skin because it smells lovely, i have fruit scented lotion, i wear green, blue, golden brown nail polish (it always used to be plum….the safest colour). I travel. I party (to an extent. I still have a career to build). I learn.
I finally understand what Ralph Waldo Emerson meant:
I’m enjoying living spontaneously. I haven’t jumped off a cliff and I’m not likely to but I’m living with more than just my mind. I’m living with my heart and soul. I’m still cautious but I’m not waiting for life to happen to me. I’m living it and I’m loving every minute.