By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. ~ Confucius
 
The past few months have been a roller coaster. I would not give back any of the experiences I have had. I would not undo any of it. The good, the bad, the naughty, the funny, the painful and even the unsettling bits. All of it has been special and worthwhile for me.   
 

Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us. ~ Alan Cohen Every person I have met (I include the perverts, the weirdos, the amazing new friends, the beautiful old friends reconnected with, the blind dates that didnt work out, the dates that just didnt work out and the spouses and significant others of my friends) has taught me something useful. No lesson has been the same. While the whirlwind has been fun….

“Sometimes, a girl just has to dive under the duvet and regroup.” ~ Jody Gehrman, Confessions of a Triple Shot Betty

  I found myself doing just that in the middle of the night last night. I love Michael Buble’s music. Every song of his speaks directly to my heart. The lyrics, the music, the melody all speak to my soul. Above all this, they make me reflect on myself, on love, on life. I find myself considering and reconsidering decisions. I find myself reassessing and reflecting on past situations to make sure I did the right thing or acknowledging to myself that I did something spectacularly stupid and even, at times, just laughing at myself.

It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has done, compared to what he might have done. ~Samuel Johnson

Reflecting on my past relationships, I am mortified by some of the mistakes I have made. Granted, had I not made them, I would not know what I know now, but its embarassing all the same. I think perhaps I am a little wiser. No doubt I have my fair share of mistakes still to make but I am at peace with that. The most important realisation I came to is that it is absolutely vital to know myself. To know what I love, what makes me cry, what makes me laugh, what makes me feel alive. To know which parts of me are may be changed and which parts are forever. To know what lines I will cross and what lines I wont. To look in the mirror of my soul and not only recognise and know myself but to be pleased with what I see.

“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him?” ~ Bill Watterson
 
I want to look in the puddle and know the reflection and I are one and the same. Now, for me, is not about finding a new person to date, its about acquanting myself with the unique bundle of contradictions that makes me who I am. Its about living, laughing, healing, growing, reflecting and learning. If I should back into a person I like while doing it then so be it but I am content. I am only hungry for knowledge of myself.

“Rarely if ever, moments come that are so defining in our lives. The years are glutted with benign matters which impact us more deeply than we could have ever imagined in our youth.” ~ Joel T. McGrath
 
I feel like I had that moment last night. A moment that changed my entire perception of life, love and myself.
 
ps – I love Michael Buble even more.
Advertisements