“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter” ~ Mark Twain
The tealady who looks after my floor at the office has a special place in my heart. She cracks me up ten ways from Sunday…especially when she is being serious. This woman is just over 60 years of age so I have a lot of respect for her. I call her Mama. Not only am I the youngest person in my department, I am also the only single person (as far as anyone at the office knows tihihihihi) so Mama feels the need, as all motherly women do, to impart a few pearls of wisdom everytime we are alone in the kitchen together.
After every encounter I am always in stitches…. allow me to share what Mama has shared with me…
1. A day a few months ago….
“Chuwe. Do you have a man?”
“I haven’t found one I like yet”
Insert a look that could stop a lightning bolt dead in its tracks from Mama to Chuwe
“Mxm. You think you will be young forever neh? You wont. Or are you waiting for a white man? And when you are old and alone who will keep you warm then eh? You think your job will keep you warm at night. And when do you plan to have children? Look at you now…. how old are you (doesn’t wait for an answer)…you are old. Your eggs are getting dusty (jabs my tummy)!”
2. A day a little less than a few months ago….
“Chuwe have you found a man yet?”
“Not yet Mama. I am still looking”
“Where are you looking? In fact, stop looking. These men are nothing but trouble. and they can be so disgusting. (pauses and seems to be deep in thought before continuing) My ex husband was disgusting. He used to make BOMBS (Farts) in the blankets. (me desperately trying to keep a straight face) BOMBS Chuwe! I never understood why he couldn’t get up and go to the toilet. Just brrrr brrrrr brrrrrr all the time! Every other day I had to wash the blankets ha! Good riddance to bad rubbish!”
(Chuwe making appropriate sympathetic sounds)
3. A few days Ago
“It’s 2013. Soon you will be 30 then just old. Have you made a plan to make children”
“No Mama. I cant make children until I’m married”
“Wa! Who told you that you should do that?! They lied! You modern women don’t need men. You make your own money. All you have to do is go out there, get a hunk (she said Hunk LOL), get him into bed and keep peeing on that stick. As soon as it says positive you act funny. Make sure you chase him away and there! Get a Nanny. You have your baby and no troubles!”
(Chuwe choking on tea and spilling it everywhere. Mama quietly hands over cleaning cloth)
The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven’t changed in seventy or eighty years. Your body changes, but you don’t change at all. And that, of course, causes great confusion.~
I can’t help but wonder what Mama was like when she was younger…. as an older woman, she is hilarious. She is good for my soul!