“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.” ~ Mae West
The case of the ex. The one case I am certain everyone’s got. The very same case that no one deals with in the same way. This came sharply into focus for me last weekend when a friend told me she had a dream about trying to stop her ex from getting married but she wasn’t going to tell him about it yet because their friendship is still developing. “Developing” into what I wondered. This led to an interesting debate about befriending exes and it most certainly got me thinking about my stance on exes.
I believe in breaking up with a person in a mature way after trying your best to make it work. I have never walked away without clear reasons which I expressed just as clearly (being a lawyer comes in handy here). I have never been dramatic, even when I felt my heart would break into a million pieces as I spoke. I have accepted fervent apologies for indiscretions politely. I am ashamed to say I even accepted gifts as apologies but I have always ended the conversation with a polite but firm and very non-negotiable “we should be friends.” Of course I didn’t mean the last part. Dude. I don’t want to be your friend. The movies just tell me to say that lol. You just broke my freaking heart and tried to heal it with chocolate (I really dislike chocolate, cake etc. I have no sweet tooth whatsoever).
I’m not friends with either of my exes and I almost feel bad saying I have no intention of ever being friends with either them. Almost. Now make no mistake, I am civil. If I bump into the one who lives in my city in the mall or something I have no qualms about having a brief friendly conversation and then moving on with my life. But I won’t call to find out how they are doing and I don’t want them to call me. Their calls are always weird. One called me out of the blue this week to tell me his parents told him he should seriously consider marrying me if I am still single. [insert awkward laugh here]. Now why would you call to tell me that unless you want me to confirm that will never happen. It’s not helping your bid at friendship whatsoever. The other was even worse. He wanted to be my friend but didn’t want to behave like a friend. Don’t speak to me like a boyfriend from the friendzone lol. Adjust to your new designation. It got even more awkward when I decided to date. I find nothing weirder than your ex asking a million and one questions about your new love interest and calling to check if it’s still going well. Needless to say that friendship didn’t work out. I don’t know how people out there do it.
In summary, my exes generally go into that bag of old clothes I donate annually. I have no further use or need for them but someone out there might and its only right to clear space in my closet for new things.
Just to show me that my policy isn’t necessarily right or mature, I have a friend who is happily married and both she and her lovely hubby are friends with her ex. I don’t know if I could cope with that scenario. It speaks to a level of maturity that I am still growing towards. I don’t think I could cope with my boyfriend’s ex hanging around and I know he would have a meltdown if the situation was vice versa.
In the end it’s definitely different strokes…